The Second Fredric Brown Megapack Read online

  The Second Fredric Brown Megapack

  Version 1.0

  COPYRIGHT INFO

  The Second Fredric Brown Megapack is copyright © 2014 by the Estate of Fredric Brown. All rights reserved. Cover art © 2014 by Innovari / Folotia.

  * * * *

  “The Waveries” originally appeared in Astounding Science Fiction, January 1945. Copyright © 1945 by Fredric Brown.

  “Obedience” originally appeared in Super Science Stories, September 1950. Copyright © 1950 by Fredric Brown.

  “All Good Bems” originally appeared in Thrilling Wonder Stories, April 1949. Copyright © 1949 by Fredric Brown.

  “First Time Machine” originally appeared in Honeymoon in Hell (1958). Copyright © 1958 by Fredric Brown.

  “Blood” originally appeared in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, February 1955. Copyright © 1955 by Fredric Brown.

  “The Last Martian” originally appeared in Galaxy Science Fiction, October 1950. Copyright © 1950 by Fredric Brown.

  “Man Of Distinction” originally appeared in Thrilling Wonder Stories, February 1951. Copyright © 1951 by Fredric Brown.

  “Vengeance Fleet” originally appeared in Super Science Stories, July 1950. Copyright © 1950 by Fredric Brown.

  “The Weapon” originally appeared in Astounding Science Fiction, April 1951. Copyright © 1951 by Fredric Brown.

  “Mouse” originally appeared in Thrilling Wonder Stories, June 1949. Copyright © 1949 by Fredric Brown.

  “The Dome” originally appeared in Thrilling Wonder Stories, August 1951. Copyright © 1951 by Fredric Brown.

  “Great Lost Discoveries I: Invisibility” originally appeared in Nightmares and Geezenstacks (1961). Copyright © 1961 by Fredric Brown.

  “Great Lost Discoveries II: Invulnerability” originally appeared in Nightmares and Geezenstacks (1961). Copyright © 1961 by Fredric Brown.

  “Great Lost Discoveries III: Immortality” originally appeared in Nightmares and Geezenstacks (1961). Copyright © 1961 by Fredric Brown.

  “Millennium” originally appeared in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, March 1955. Copyright © 1955 by Fredric Brown.

  “Second Chance” originally appeared in Nightmares and Geezenstacks (1961). Copyright © 1961 by Fredric Brown.

  “Contact” originally appeared in Galaxy Science Fiction, June 1960. Copyright © 1960 by Fredric Brown.

  “A Word From Our Sponsor” originally appeared in Other Worlds Science Stories, September 1951. Copyright © 1951 by Fredric Brown.

  “Something Green” originally appeared in Space on My Hands (1951). Copyright © 1951 by Fredric Brown.

  “Crisis, 1999” originally appeared in Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine, August 1949. Copyright © 1949 by Fredric Brown.

  “And The Gods Laughed” originally appeared in Planet Stories, February 1944. Copyright © 1944 by Fredric Brown.

  “Mitkey Rides Again” originally appeared in Planet Stories, November 1950. Copyright © 1950 by Fredric Brown.

  “Placet Is a Crazy Place” originally appeared in Astounding Science Fiction, May 1946. Copyright © 1946 by Fredric Brown.

  “Honeymoon In Hell” originally appeared in Galaxy Science Fiction. Copyright © 1950 by Fredric Brown.

  “Daisies” originally appeared in Angels and Starships (1954). Copyright © 1954 by Fredric Brown.

  “Daymare” originally appeared in Thrilling Wonder Stories, November 1943. Copyright © 1943 by Fredric Brown.

  “Cartoonist” originally appeared in Planet Stories, May 1951. Copyright © 1951 by Fredric Brown and Mack Reynolds.

  A NOTE FROM THE PUBLISHER

  Fredric Brown (1906-1972) is perhaps best remembered for his use of humor and his mastery of the “short-short” form (these days called flash fiction)—stories of one to three pages, often with ingenious plotting devices and surprise endings. He was just as accomplished in the mystery field as in science fiction, and he won an Edgar Award from the Mystery Writers of America for his first novel, The Fabulous Clipjoint.

  I discovered Fredric Brown’s work in the mid 1970s through the wonderful Science Fiction Hall of Fame anthology series. The concept of the series was that each volume contained some of the greatest science fiction stories published before 1965, as voted on by the membership of the Science Fiction Writers of America (and then winnowed down by each volume’s editor). The theory being, of course, that science fiction writers ought to know the best of the best.

  SFWA members selected Fredric Brown’s story “Arena,” which is in the first of our Fredric Brown Megapacks (this is the second, and I hope there will be a third!), as one of the top 20 science fiction stories. (“Arena” was also adapted as an episode of the original Star Trek TV series—you will probably recognize it as soon as you start reading.)

  Whether you discovered Fredric Brown’s work through the Megapack series, already know how great he is, or are experiencing him for the first time—here are 27 more great tales.

  Enjoy!

  —John Betancourt

  Publisher, Wildside Press LLC

  www.wildsidepress.com

  ABOUT THE MEGAPACK SERIES

  Over the last few years, our “Megapack” series of ebook anthologies has grown to be among our most popular endeavors. (Maybe it helps that we sometimes offer them as premiums to our mailing list!) One question we keep getting asked is, “Who’s the editor?”

  The Megapacks (except where specifically credited) are a group effort. Everyone at Wildside works on them. This includes John Betancourt (me), Carla Coupe, Steve Coupe, Bonner Menking, Colin Azariah-Kribbs, A.E. Warren, and many of Wildside’s authors…who often suggest stories to include (and not just their own!)

  A NOTE FOR KINDLE READERS

  The Kindle versions of our Megapacks employ active tables of contents for easy navigation…please look for one before writing reviews on Amazon that complain about the lack! (They are sometimes at the ends of ebooks, depending on your reader.)

  RECOMMEND A FAVORITE STORY?

  Do you know a great classic science fiction story, or have a favorite author whom you believe is perfect for the Megapack series? We’d love your suggestions! You can post them on our message board at http://movies.ning.com/forum (there is an area for Wildside Press comments).

  Note: we only consider stories that have already been professionally published. This is not a market for new works.

  TYPOS

  Unfortunately, as hard as we try, a few typos do slip through. We update our ebooks periodically, so make sure you have the current version (or download a fresh copy if it’s been sitting in your ebook reader for months.) It may have already been updated.

  If you spot a new typo, please let us know. We’ll fix it for everyone. You can email the publisher at [email protected] or use the message boards above.

  THE MEGAPACK SERIES

  MYSTERY

  The Achmed Abdullah Megapack

  The Charlie Chan Megapack*

  The Craig Kennedy Scientific Detective Megapack

  The Detective Megapack

  The Father Brown Megapack

  The Girl Detective Megapack

  The Jacques Futrelle Megapack

  The Anna Katharine Green Mystery Megapack

  The First Mystery Megapack

  The Penny Parker Megapack

  The Philo Vance Megapack*

  The Pulp Fiction Megapack

  The Raffles Megapack

  The Sherlock Holmes Megapack

  The Victorian Mystery Megapack

  The Wilkie Collins Megapack

  GENERAL INTEREST

  The Adventure Megapack

  The Baseball Megapack

  The Cat Story Megapack

  The Second Cat Story Megapack

  The Third Cat Story Megapack

  The Third Cat Story Megapack

  The Christmas Megapack

  The Second Christmas Megapack

  The Classic American Short Stories Megapack, Vol. 1.

  The Classic Humor Megapack

  The Dog Story Megapack

  The Doll Story Megapack

  The Horse Story Megapack

  The Military Megapack

  The Sea-Story Megapack

  SCIENCE FICTION & FANTASY

  The Edward Bellamy Megapack

  The First Reginald Bretnor Megapack

  The Fredric Brown Megapack

  The Ray Cummings Megapack

  The Philip K. Dick Megapack

  The Dragon Megapack

  The Randall Garrett Megapack

  The Second Randall Garrett Megapack

  The Edmond Hamilton Megapack

  The C.J. Henderson Megapack

  The Murray Leinster Megapack

  The Second Murray Leinster Megapack

  The Martian Megapack

  The E. Nesbit Megapack

  The Andre Norton Megapack

  The H. Beam Piper Megapack

  The Pulp Fiction Megapack

  The Mack Reynolds Megapack

  The Darrell Schweitzer Megapack

  The Science-Fantasy Megapack

  The First Science Fiction Megapack

  The Second Science Fiction Megapack

  The Third Science Fiction Megapack

  The Fourth Science Fiction Megapack

  The Fifth Science Fiction Megapack

  The Sixth Science Fiction Megapack

  The Seventh Science Fiction Megapack

  The Ei
ghth Science Fiction Megapack

  The Robert Sheckley Megapack

  The Steampunk Megapack

  The Time Travel Megapack

  The Wizard of Oz Megapack

  HORROR

  The Achmed Abdullah Megapack

  The Second Achmed Abdullah Megapack

  The E.F. Benson Megapack

  The Second E.F. Benson Megapack

  The Algernon Blackwood Megapack

  The Second Algernon Blackwood Megapack

  The Cthulhu Mythos Megapack

  The Erckmann-Chatrian Megapack

  The Ghost Story Megapack

  The Second Ghost Story Megapack

  The Third Ghost Story Megapack

  The Haunts & Horrors Megapack

  The Horror Megapack

  The Lon Williams Weird Western Megapack

  The M.R. James Megapack

  The Macabre Megapack

  The Second Macabre Megapack

  The Arthur Machen Megapack**

  The Mummy Megapack

  The Occult Detective Megapack

  The Darrell Schweitzer Megapack

  The Vampire Megapack

  The Weird Fiction Megapack

  The Werewolf Megapack

  WESTERNS

  The B.M. Bower Megapack

  The Max Brand Megapack

  The Buffalo Bill Megapack

  The Cowboy Megapack

  The Zane Grey Megapack

  The Lon Williams Weird Western Megapack

  The Western Megapack

  The Second Western Megapack

  YOUNG ADULT

  The Boys’ Adventure Megapack

  The Dan Carter, Cub Scout Megapack

  The Dare Boys Megapack

  The Doll Story Megapack

  The G.A. Henty Megapack

  The Girl Detectives Megapack

  The E. Nesbit Megapack

  The Penny Parker Megapack

  The Pinocchio Megapack

  The Rover Boys Megapack

  The Tom Corbett, Space Cadet Megapack

  The Tom Swift Megapack

  The Wizard of Oz Megapack

  AUTHOR MEGAPACKS

  The Achmed Abdullah Megapack

  The H. Bedford-Jones Pulp Fiction Megapack

  The Edward Bellamy Megapack

  The B.M. Bower Megapack

  The E.F. Benson Megapack

  The Second E.F. Benson Megapack

  The Bjørnstjerne Bjørnson Megapack

  The Algernon Blackwood Megapack

  The Second Algernon Blackwood Megapack

  The Max Brand Megapack

  The First Reginald Bretnor Megapack

  The Fredric Brown Megapack

  The Wilkie Collins Megapack

  The Ray Cummings Megapack

  The Guy de Maupassant Megapack

  The Philip K. Dick Megapack

  The Erckmann-Chatrian Megapack

  The Jacques Futrelle Megapack

  The Randall Garrett Megapack

  The Second Randall Garrett Megapack

  The Anna Katharine Green Megapack

  The Zane Grey Megapack

  The Edmond Hamilton Megapack

  The Dashiell Hammett Megapack

  The C.J. Henderson Megapack

  The M.R. James Megapack

  The Selma Lagerlof Megapack

  The Murray Leinster Megapack***

  The Second Murray Leinster Megapack***

  The Arthur Machen Megapack**

  The George Barr McCutcheon Megapack

  The Talbot Mundy Megapack

  The E. Nesbit Megapack

  The Andre Norton Megapack

  The H. Beam Piper Megapack

  The Mack Reynolds Megapack

  The Rafael Sabatini Megapack

  The Saki Megapack

  The Darrell Schweitzer Megapack

  The Robert Sheckley Megapack

  The Lon Williams Weird Western Megapack

  * Not available in the United States

  ** Not available in the European Union

  ***Out of print.

  OTHER COLLECTIONS YOU MAY ENJOY

  The Great Book of Wonder, by Lord Dunsany (it should have been called “The Lord Dunsany Megapack”)

  The Wildside Book of Fantasy

  The Wildside Book of Science Fiction

  Yondering: The First Borgo Press Book of Science Fiction Stories

  To the Stars—And Beyond! The Second Borgo Press Book of Science Fiction Stories

  Once Upon a Future: The Third Borgo Press Book of Science Fiction Stories

  Whodunit?—The First Borgo Press Book of Crime and Mystery Stories

  More Whodunits—The Second Borgo Press Book of Crime and Mystery Stories

  X is for Xmas: Christmas Mysteries

  THE WAVERIES

  Definitions from the school-abridged Webster-Hamlin Dictionary, 1998 edition:

  wavery (WA-veir-i) n. a vader—slang

  vader (VA-der) n. inorgan of the class Radio

  inorgan (in-OR-gan) n. noncorporeal ens, a vader

  radio (RA-di-o) n. 1. class of inorgans 2. etheric frequency between light and electricity 3. (obsolete) method of communication used up to 1957

  * * * *

  The opening guns of invasion were not at all loud, although they were heard by millions of people. George Bailey was one of the millions. I choose George Bailey because he was the only one who came within a googol of light-years of guessing what they were.

  George Bailey was drunk, and under the circumstances one can’t blame him for being so. He was listening to radio advertisements of the most nauseous kind. Not because he wanted to listen to them, I hardly need say, but because he’d been told to listen to them by his boss, J. R. McGee of the MID network.

  George Bailey wrote advertising for the radio. The only thing he hated worse than advertising was radio. And here on his own time he was listening to fulsome and disgusting commercials on a rival network.

  “Bailey,” J. R. McGee had said, “you should be more familiar with what others are doing. Particularly, you should be informed about those of our own accounts who use several networks. I strongly suggest…”

  One doesn’t quarrel with an employer’s strong suggestions and keep a two-hundred-dollar-a-week job.

  But one can drink whisky sours while listening. George Bailey did.

  Also, between commercials, he was playing gin rummy with Maisie Hetterman, a cute little redheaded typist from the studio. It was Maisie’s apartment and Maisie’s radio (George himself, on principle, owned neither a radio nor a TV set) but George had brought the liquor.

  “—only the very finest tobaccos,” said the radio, “go dit-dit-dit nation’s favorite cigarette—”

  George glanced at the radio. “Marconi,” he said.

  He meant Morse, naturally, but the whisky sours had muddled him a bit, so his first guess was more nearly right than anyone else’s. It was Marconi, in a way. In a very peculiar way.

  “Marconi?” asked Maisie.

  George, who hated to talk against a radio, leaned over and switched it off.

  “I meant Morse,” he said. “Morse, as in Boy Scouts or the Signal Corps. I used to be a Boy Scout once.”

  “You’ve sure changed,” Maisie said.

  George sighed. “Somebody’s going to catch hell, broadcasting code on that wave length.”

  “What did it mean?”

  “Mean? Oh, you mean what did it mean. Uh—S, the letter S. Dit-dit-dit is S. SOS is dit-dit-dit dah-dah-dah dit-dit-dit.”

  “O is dah-dah-dah?”

  George grinned. “Say that again, Maisie. I like it. And I think you are dah-dah-dah too.”

  “George, maybe it’s really an SOS message. Turn it back on.”

  George turned it back on. The tobacco ad was still going. “—gentlemen of the most dit-dit-dit-ing taste prefer the finer taste of dit-dit-dit-arettes. In the new package that keeps them dit-dit-dit and ultra fresh—”

  “It’s not SOS. It’s just S’s.”

  “Like a tea-kettle, or—say, George, maybe it’s just some advertising gag.”

  George shook his head. “Not when it can blank out the name of the product. Just a minute till I—”

  He reached over and turned the dial of the radio a bit to the right and then a bit to the left, and an incredulous look came into his face. He turned the dial to the extreme left, as far as it would go. There wasn’t any station there, not even the hum of a carrier wave. But:

  “Dit-dit-dit,” said the radio, “dit-dit-dit.”

  He turned the dial to the extreme right. “Dit-dit-dit.”

  George switched it off and stared at Maisie without seeing her, which was hard to do.

  “Something wrong, George?”

  “I hope so,” said George Bailey. “I certainly hope so.”